Sundae Scoops: The Resonance of Magic [pony comic]

[Jorichi]

So yeah, here goes nothing.

This Thread:
In this thread I will keep you updated on the progression of the comic I'm working on of which the title should be clear by now.
The reason for this being here is for you guys to be able to give me feedback, advice, inspiration and ideas.

Spoilers:
I will hide sketches and "in progress" pictures in spoiler tags for those who don't want to read a new page until it's fully complete.
The same goes for the storyline and the discussion of it.
If you comment on anything within spoilers please do not spoil anything for those people. Use sp's or spoilers instead (don't overdo it though).

Critique:
I'm asking for critique to improve myself and to refrain myself from falling into a "tunnel vision" mode where I can only see what's on my mind and not the total picture.
When you spot something that doesn't really feel right, try to pin down what the actual problem is and how I could solve it.
I'm okay with people telling that something doesn't look right, but I don't want to butcher an image completely before I can figure out what seems wrong in your eyes or how I can fix it.
The sketches are mostly there for critique on frame layout and such. Don't focus on too much detail for these, just the layout.

My Process:
I'll tell you my process just so you can keep certain things in mind when you give advice. Or for if you're just curious.

After I have an idea of how a page should look like, I will make a very rough sketch of the frames and if necessary a character or object.
I'll then proceed to sketch out frame after frame. Once the sketch is complete I add text and dialogue in order to figure out the size of the speech balloons and adjust where necessary. I keep small details in mind, as I often don't draw them in the sketch.

Now comes the actual drawing. I add another layer and put the sketch on top with a opacity of around 10%. And with a large brush I fill the sketch with the main color of the object or character. It will create a rough silhouette of the object.
Then I take the darkest color of the set of three I have for each color and add "lines" to define different parts (body parts for example (Check Sundae's left front leg for example, besides the shadow there is another, even darker line).
Now it's more clear how the character or object will look.
Adding shadow to create depth works it out even more and the object will take shape.
I do this again for every different color.
Every different color (even the shadows and dark lines) has its own layer and will always have their own. It's easier for editing.
I take away the sketch and smooth out the rough lines until I'm satisfied with how it looks.

I work at my own pace and when I feel like it, so it won't progress that fast. Although a little motivation never hurts.

The beginning of the story:
Non spoiling version:
This is more of an intro to the story:

A stallion known by the name Commander Scoops and his team were ordered to clear a specific resourceful area from danger so a new town can be built. It's far away from Ponyville and Canterlot, a distance that was only doable for pegasi to fly in a full day.
Commander Scoops' daughter Sundae was dragged along and had no choice but to live in this newborn town. With her passion for Ice Cream she started a small Ice Cream shop. She doesn't get much customers during the week, but the workers who are busy building this town are more than happy to feast on Sundae's delicious specialty sorbets in the weekends. With that Sundae is still capable of raking in a profit.
Sadly she spends weeks alone at home, as her father only stops by once a month to restock on supplies.
"The terrain is quite rough on us and the general area around the town still hasn't been explored thoroughly. Nor cleared from potential dangers."
That's what he'd say if Sundae asked if he could come home more often. Nevertheless, she knew her dad cherished her more than anything.
With no friends in this new town, no fun and just endless days of work she can only hope her father comes back with the great news that his mission is finally over...

Spoiling version:
Yes, it really spoils the story for you. But also here critique is welcome. So please don't read this if you are really looking forward to the comic itself.

Sundae is at her Ice Cream shop on a Monday morning as she is look down on the oncoming uneventful week. She knows that her costumers only come in on the weekends by now.
Her boredom is interrupted that day by a group of soldiers marching into town. As they appear in the distance she notices black wristbands around their hooves.
Only then she notices the sad faces on the soldiers, staring at the ground. Suddenly she notices a stallion, about her age, marching in the midst of them.
He's carrying a red velvet pillow on his back. As the group marches on Sundae finally sees what's on the pillow; Her father's commander hat.
Sundae breaks down in tears a moment later, after it all sinks in. She realizes she just lost the only thing she had.
The stallion with the pillow hears her weeps. He stops.
The other stallions, the soldiers, stop as well and whisper loudly at him: "Virtual! You're being disrespectful, you're breaking the ceremony!".
Virtual gently takes the pillow from his back with his magic and places it next to Sundae as he walks up to her.
"Sundae Scoops?" He asks.

That's about all I'm going to spoil for now. Don't you just hate cliffhangers?

The Comic:
Here I'll post the completed pages, sketches and everything else I upload.
Be aware that if you don't like spoilers you shouldn't be clicking the sketches.

Completed Pages:
Page 0 - The Cover
Page 1

Sketches and incomplete pages:

Sketch page 1
Sketch page 2

Thank you for reading.

[Jorichi]

Costinteo suggested adding outlines of some kind.
That made me remember an idea I had, but I forgot to try it out. But I did a quick edit and added Paper Mario styled outlines to the characters.
Cover with outlines on characters. It pops more, but it makes the colors of the characters fade away more...
I don't think I will start on page 1 and 2 after I decided on a style. So tell me what you think.

I also need to create a Pegasus that makes deliveries. This pegasus in question (boy or girl, doens't matter) should be a pegasus that is capable of flying 24 hours straight while carrying pretty large deliveries. This pegasus will play a small role in the comic. His or her personality should be humble and eager to do his/her job. Willing to help out those in need, but usually tries to haggle a little on his/her reward.

I need at least another two stallions guards/soldiers. Preferably armored in slightly different armor than the ones you see in Canterlot. These will make several small appearances in the comic.

Finally, the last thing I need is a name for the town Sundae Scoops is living in.

So if anyone is willing to inspire me or suggest me things, please do.

[Costinteo]

That made me remember an idea I had, but I forgot to try it out. But I did a quick edit and added Paper Mario styled outlines to the characters.
Cover with outlines on characters.

I'm not sure about that art style... I mean, it looks a bit weird to see how they have an outline on the outside and on them have a different type of outline. I'm not exactly sure how to say it. I think the best example of an outline is the regular pony drawing... I think. The outline in the current art style doesn't stand out as much as others do. Here's an example of your own work:

Edit: I'm looking again at the original first page and it looks better than I remembered. If you don't want to work too much on it or think too much, I say make it stand out more. If you look at VR's Hair and the upper part of his legs, those are the outlines I'm talking about. If you can make them stand out using those kinds of outlines, on the whole body, I think it will look fine.

I also need to create a Pegasus that makes deliveries. This pegasus in question (boy or girl, doens't matter) should be a pegasus that is capable of flying 24 hours straight while carrying pretty large deliveries. This pegasus will play a small role in the comic. His or her personality should be humble and eager to do his/her job. Willing to help out those in need, but usually tries to haggle a little on his/her reward.

Reminds me of Mike Meekins from Ace Attorney, pony styled of course. I think you've played it since you had an "Objection" avatar when I first came to the forums.

Finally, the last thing I need is a name for the town Sundae Scoops is living in.

Hmm... Cherrypop? Sounds like a soda name. Maybe Happyfizzle? I don't really know. :c All I can think of are soda names lol.

[popcan12]

Rosetown. You could be ironic and name it something depressing, like Deary Meadows.

[Trist3D]

Since it said only a pegasus flying for a full day could make it,
Skyburg
Sky town
Somethingville

[idiot9.0]

One thing I'm hoping you do in your comic is have a situation where this happens:

I'm obviously joking of course, but I do plan on at least checking this out when it gets off the ground and wish you luck with it as well.

[Jorichi]

I'm not sure about that art style... I mean, it looks a bit weird to see how they have an outline on the outside and on them have a different type of outline. I'm not exactly sure how to say it. I think the best example of an outline is the regular pony drawing... I think. The outline in the current art style doesn't stand out as much as others do. Here's an example of your own work:

Edit: I'm looking again at the original first page and it looks better than I remembered. If you don't want to work too much on it or think too much, I say make it stand out more. If you look at VR's Hair and the upper part of his legs, those are the outlines I'm talking about. If you can make them stand out using those kinds of outlines, on the whole body, I think it will look fine.

I would have drawn this comic in the style of that Ask Sundae drawing, but it's a pretty time consuming and mind-numbing process. It's constantly tracing the lines of the drawing with the pen tool and isn't really fun to do. The style I have now is easy, "quick" and fun. If I were to outline the drawings with the darkest colors it would take a lot more time, but I will try it out soon regardless. Even if it's only to see how it will look.
If majority likes the "Ask Sundae Style" significantly more, I could consider that.

Mike Meekins outfit would look fun on a pegasus. It certainly sparks some inspiration.

Rosetown. You could be ironic and name it something depressing, like Deary Meadows.

Heh, Deary Meadows. Doesn't really sound depressing to me. Sounds more like a place where you'd find tons of cows...

Since it said only a pegasus flying for a full day could make it,
Skyburg
Sky town
Somethingville

I don't think you quite got the point.
It takes a pegasus 24 hours straight to fly from Canterlot to Sundae's town. It's not up in the sky or sky related. It's just that far away from it.
If an earthpony or Unicorn would walk that distance they would take at least twice as long (given the fact you'd have to hike through a forest and across mountains, etc). This is why the "trade/supply route" is done by pegasi.
I like the name "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch" though. Very catchy.

One thing I'm hoping you do in your comic is have a situation where this happens:

I'm obviously joking of course, but I do plan on at least checking this out when it gets off the ground and wish you luck with it as well.

We'll see what happens...

[BobTheLawyer]

Rosetown. You could be ironic and name it something depressing, like Deary Meadows.

Heh, Deary Meadows. Doesn't really sound depressing to me. Sounds more like a place where you'd find tons of cows...

I have a feeling popcan12 meant Dreary, but sounds like you're thinking of dairy. lol

[Trist3D]

>Inb4 spinoff comic where idiot9.0 is the main protagonist

[Wilo]

>Inb4 spinoff comic where idiot9.0 is the main protagonist

A spinoff where Sašo is the main protagonist.

[Sunset_Moth]

(can my OC be in the comic?)

[Jorichi]

(can my OC be in the comic?)

Could be, it all depends.
It won't be a major role, as the story is mostly written already. It depends on the OC, I could use him/her for a small role that fits his/her personality and looks.
Post a picture and explain his/her personality and I will check if I can add it. And would you be okay if I altered his/her appearance a little bit if I feel it wouldn't fit?
I could also make it a background pony if I can't give him/her a role.

If there are other people who would want their OC in this comic; please give me a picture of him/her and a brief bio and an explanation of his/her personality.

In other news; I'm thinking of keeping the style of the cover. I might change the colors for more contrast though. But I'm doing this mainly to reduce the amount of tedious work and time I would have to put in. And I won't have much time to draw to update regularly.

[popcan12]

Can there be random ponies from Twatter Story as background characters?

[Pyrosaur]

Without outlines, some parts sort of fade into the background and make it sort of a strain on the eyes to look at the whole thing. But with the thick black outlines, the inside details sort of fade away.

[Camewel]

I think the harsh outlines ruin the nice soft palette you have going on.
Of course, you've already decided by now so this entire post is useless.
also include my oc it's maurice shirtless

[Jorichi]

Without outlines, some parts sort of fade into the background and make it sort of a strain on the eyes to look at the whole thing. But with the thick black outlines, the inside details sort of fade away.

This made me think two things: intensify the shadowing or add outlining.
Giving the fact that changing a color isn't time consuming I gave it a try to make the shading a little darker on Sundae and Amy: http://i.imgur.com/dpmxfFI.png.
Compare it to the current cover and you'll notice the difference immediately.

Outlining is an incredible tedious and time consuming process. But there is a midway here. I did a quick drawing of Sundae on Valentine. I didn't have much time and didn't bother coloring the outlines. I didn't make them too thick either. I gave it some soft shadow and that is about it. Given the fact that the outlines here are all black didn't require me to layer them or nitpicking on where the lines cross when adding color to them.

Or, if you guys really want me to and don't mind waiting a while I can do it in my old style. If I were to do this style it would require me to redo the cover too though. I don't mind doing it as long as you guys don't mind the wait.

[Camewel]

I really like the one with darker outlining.
(also, you accidentally linked the darker one twice in that post)

[Jorichi]

Oh dang, you're right. Fixed it. Thanks.

[Pyrosaur]

I really like how the outlining looks on the Valentine one, as well as the darker shading.

[Sunset_Moth]

Wait. Jorichi, when did you become moderator? Or have I just never noiced it?

Anyways. I have 3 OCs.
Wind Flyer(My overused OC): Brave blue-purple pegasus with purple hair. (I can send you a picture if I can get it off my old compter...) Wears a lime outfit with red cape. HATES to be called "Windy". Cutie mark is a iron-bound wooden chest, closed. Sometimes goes looking for temples (like daring do does. He's read ALL of the books.)
Shadowfire: Changeling. Freind of Wind's. (Used on a MC pony RP server, where some of the changelings are good, probbably not the best OC to add.) No cutie mark, changelings don't have them.
Neo (main OC): Aqua-tinted white UNICORN with darker aqua hair. Blind. Cutie mark is a wrench and soldering iron, crossed. Good with electronics and mechanical stuff.

[LightningFire]

Ooh, this looks really interesting. Knowing you Jorichi this will go just fine.
Also, I'd love to see my OC in the comics. Even if it's just a short cameo.

[BobTheLawyer]

Ooh, this looks really interesting. Knowing you Jorichi this will go just fine.
Also, I'd love to see my OC in the comics. Even if it's just a short cameo.

Well, since we're volunteering, if Sundae gets into any legal issues...

[Jorichi]

I'll see what I can do with the OC's but I can't promise anything.
I'll contact the owner of the OC if I'm planning to enter him/her soon to discuss the do's and don'ts.

Anyways I've settled on a style and more-or-less completed the Cover.
Here it is. (I hate how Imgur makes big images .jpeg's) I might touch it up a bit more someday.
But that's basically the style I'm gonna go with. The reasons behind it are because this style isn't that time consuming and leaves a nice comic style.
Onwards to page 1 for now.

[idiot9.0]

I like that style. It's really good.

[BobTheLawyer]

Same here, except maybe the eyes need an outline...
It looks kind of strange with white next to a color, when black is at all the other borders.

[Costinteo]

It looks kind of strange with white next to a color, when black is at all the other borders.

Can you see it?

[BobTheLawyer]

Can't see anything in that image.

[Jorichi]

Can't see anything in that image.

If I remember correctly it was this image:

If you don't want to make your screen turn entirely pink, don't Google Pinkie Pie. My God...

It clearly shows the white of the eyes next to the coat color, without a black line separating them. Or any other color of line for that fact.
I did try them fully outlined, but that made them look a bit heavy on the eyes.

Anyways, I'm trying to get the first page up soon and a sketch of the second. I'll try to get it done before the 21st (if nothing comes up).

[Jorichi]

First page is up.
I'll try to get the sketch of page 2 done soon as well.

[TurretBot]

Ponies only come in on the weekends.

I take it that it's not summer yet?

[Costinteo]

Did you even read the story?

[TurretBot]

Yes, I did.

[BobTheLawyer]

Beautiful...

[Costinteo]

Yes, I did.

She doesn't get much customers during the week, but the workers who are busy building this town are more than happy to feast on Sundae's delicious specialty sorbets in the weekends.

Maybe your post wasn't that stupid, but if it was a joke, it was bad. If it was serious, you couldn't know if they're not working in the Summer aswell.

[Trist3D]

I think he meant that since they don't get many customers, it must not be hot, because ice cream is sold well in Summer.

[TurretBot]

Yes, I did.

She doesn't get much customers during the week, but the workers who are busy building this town are more than happy to feast on Sundae's delicious specialty sorbets in the weekends.

Maybe your post wasn't that stupid, but if it was a joke, it was bad. If it was serious, you couldn't know if they're not working in the Summer aswell.

Oh, I'm an idiot. Sorry. You win.

[popcan12]

Jorichi, will you be updating your story?

[Jorichi]

I will continue drawing after I return from Gamescom. The sketch for the next page is halfway done and will make its appearance soon after.
I'm really sorry for the long wait.

[Jorichi]

Sorry for the long wait, but;
Sketch of Page 2 is up!
Tell me what you guys think.

[LightningFire]

You don't have to worry about how much you take, as long as you actually finish it, we can wait. Nice job!

[Costinteo]

I like it.
It took me a while to decipher the writing, but it was good and I like it.

EDIT: I think I know who the mysterious character may be. :D

[Jorichi]

I like it.
It took me a while to decipher the writing, but it was good and I like it.

EDIT: I think I know who the mysterious character may be. :D

Heh, yeah sorry about the handwriting there. I can't really write neat with my tablet unless I put some effort into it.
I didn't really take the time here, but I'll be sure to do it next time.

Besides the mysterious character (which is actually quite obvious) there are three more cameo's in this page and maybe when I add some more detail and background ponies there'll be more. two of the three cameos might be recognizable now (if you know the characters), the other can only be recognized when you see it in color.

[Trist3D]

Y u no make Idiot9.0 cameo?