First off, you should have edited your first post rather than making another one. Additionally, the version of the mappack should be in the title, it's SE Beta 8.
On to the actual mappack:
First off: cut the resources you don't actually use in the demo. If you need to, make a folder somewhere for the things you'll use later. It raises the filesize without adding a thing, especially with music. Speaking of music, you probably could have gotten away with having only one track.
I could really tell the enemies were made by sab superalbertbros, especially the ones obviously made by Alesan99 and alex gahh, and the blue-spotted mushroom that looks suspiciously like my Blueberry enemy.
1-1: The text is ridiculously hard to read, for a few reasons: the camera's constantly jittering, the text boxes move on to the next too quickly, and finally, there's no punctuation and your lines wrap around, cutting them off in weird places. Also, who's that Mario guy? I only see the rainbow-haired freak-of-nature Qwerty. (Basically, you can't assume the player is actually Mario, especially without specifying it in your post.)
1-2: Plot hole: where did you get the simulation equipment? In the actual level, Oh god that repeating script. Every time you die, you have to sit through it again. I would recommend putting only the scrip in the main level, then putting the rest in a sublevel. I also got killed more by the time limit than any of the actual obstacles, mostly because I didn't know it was there. If you made the script first change the timelimit to 100, then, less than a second later, change it to the limit you set, it would give you the low time sound, alerting players to the time limit. I sure hope this difficulty-from-timelimit thing isn't a recurring theme.
1-3: Well it isn't quite a recurring theme, but it sure feels like one.
1-4: That's an anticlimactic ending. I was hoping for a boss or something, instead it's just a cutscene.
You could improve this mappack by add more to the levels: they need to be longer and have some actual meat. In their current state, they're pathetically easy—aside from their very low timelimits—because they're just so short.
No. It's essentially two short levels for a weight of 35.6MB. The only person who could gain anything from this is the author, who could use this as a learning experience.