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Jokes/Memes Thread .

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FaycalMenouar
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Post » 01 Aug 2012, 19:03

If anybody has a good joke or a ( funny ) meme, please share it here !

here is my joke :
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“


PS : please use quotes on jokes and Links for memes .

popcan12
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Post » 01 Aug 2012, 19:09

"The 4.13 is a lie."

Bonko
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 00:08

A mom had a 4 year old daughter that just wouldn't stop chewing her fingernails. To put a stop to it, the mom told her daughter that if kept chewing her fingernails, she'd get really fat. Later that day the went to the mall, and the daughter saw a really fat guy. "Will I get to be that fat, Mommy?"
"Fatter," her mom replied. Her daughter shivered. On the bus ride home, the 4-year old spotted a.pregneant lady. She tried to, but she couldn't get her eyes off the lady's belly. The lady eventually fould it annoying, so after 2 minutes of the girl staring at her stomach, she said,"Excuse me, do I know you?"
The 4-year old replied,"No, but I know what you've been doing!"

That totally cracked me up.

FaycalMenouar
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 00:28

@Bonko ; LooL !
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”


poor guy lol

Camewel
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 03:07

popcan12 wrote:"The 4.13 is a lie."

Can someone please explain how this is possibly considered funny?

FaycalMenouar
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 03:11

Camewel wrote:
popcan12 wrote:"The 4.13 is a lie."

Can someone please explain how this is possibly considered funny?

i think he meant the 3.14 is a lie = the pie is a lie = the cake is a lie .

LightningFire
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 03:13

Camewel wrote:
popcan12 wrote:"The 4.13 is a lie."

Can someone please explain how this is possibly considered funny?

The thing is, that joke's so funny, you forget to laugh.

popcan12
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 03:43

The pie is a lie. Is what that joke was.

LightningFire
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 04:12

popcan12 wrote:The pie is a lie. Is what that joke was.

We know. And it wasn't funny at all. Sorry.

popcan12
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 04:25

Okay, so a seal goes clubbing...

FaycalMenouar
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 04:27

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

RWLabs
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 08:58

popcan12 wrote:
Okay, so a seal goes clubbing...

Oh my god don't even joke about that = =;


Not really funny, but it's ironic.
A woman gets on a plane with a bag of cookies which she put in her bag. She sits down and opens the bag of cookies and eats one of them. Then to her surprise, the person sitting next to her put his hand into the bag of cookies and ate one. The woman didn't want to cause a commotion so she ate the cookies faster. The man began eating two cookies at the same time. The woman, furious, begins shoving cookies into her mouth. The man keeps in pace of her. In the end, there was one cookie left, and before the woman could reach it, the man picked it up. He split in half, smiling, then gave one half to the woman and eating the other half before walking to the bathroom. The woman, shivering with rage, opened her bag to find a water bottle.

Inside was a bag of cookies.

thunderfapper
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 09:31

@RW, I don't get it

Chippy348
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 10:05

thunderflipper wrote:@RW, I don't get it

That woman was eating the man's cookies in his cookies bag all those time, I think
Like she was so "angry" and not notice it wasn't her bag
I could be wrong because, kinda like you, I don't really understand it much

RWLabs
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Post » 02 Aug 2012, 20:08

The woman is pissed at the man eating her cookies (which he isn't) when the man isn't even mad when she was stealing his cookies.
RWLabs wrote:Not really funny, but it's ironic.

It's not really funny, but you have been warned...

BobTheLawyer
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Post » 03 Aug 2012, 16:32

So a blonde walks into a store.
She says to the store clerk, "I'd like to by a microwave"
He says, "We don't sell microwaves to dumb blondes."
Furious, she walks at of the store.

She dyes her hair brown saying, "He has to sell me one if I am a brunette!"
She goes back to the store and says to the store clerk, "I'd like to by a microwave"
He says (once again) , "We don't sell microwaves to dumb blondes."
Surprised he still called her blonde, she walked out...

This time, she dyed her hair black.
She goes back to the store and says to the store clerk, "I'd like to by a microwave"
He says (for the third time) , "We don't sell microwaves to dumb blondes."
Confused and upset she walked out...

The fourth time, she dyed her hair red.
She goes back to the store and says to the store clerk, "I'd like to by a microwave"
He says (as always) , "We don't sell microwaves to dumb blondes."
She decides to finally ask him, "How do you keep knowing it is me?"
He replies, "This is a TV store."


Hope no one finds this insulting.
(Truthfully, my hair is dirty blonde...)

FaycalMenouar
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Post » 03 Aug 2012, 21:20

^ Joke made my day , lol

Legend_of_Kirby
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Post » 16 Oct 2012, 05:45

Whats the difference between Pornography and art?... A GOVERMENT GRAND! "all right giggity giggity"

freakstorm101
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Post » 16 Oct 2012, 06:44

Who else but Legend_of_Kirby.

Bonko
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Post » 25 Oct 2012, 15:19

The dentist lay the patient on the operating table. He picked up the pills that make you unconscious and took one out, but then, the patient grabbed his wallet from the counter next to him. The dentist frowned."Please, you don't need to pay me now." He said.
The patient looked up at him."Pay you!? I'm counting the money before I'm unconscious!

BobTheLawyer
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Post » 25 Oct 2012, 22:09

That's good...

Legend_of_Kirby
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Post » 25 Oct 2012, 23:25

freakstorm101 wrote:Who else but Legend_of_Kirby.

So happy someone got that!

freakstorm101
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Post » 26 Oct 2012, 07:15

I freakin love Family Guy.

FaycalMenouar
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Post » 27 Oct 2012, 14:14

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

lmao

BobTheLawyer
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Post » 29 Oct 2012, 11:18

freakstorm101 wrote:I freakin love Family Guy.

That's a good one! Freakstorm, why do you have all the good jokes?

freakstorm101
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Post » 30 Oct 2012, 06:21

My lawer says I don't have to respond to this Bob........ AWW CRUD.
I have to much spare time I guess.

FaycalMenouar
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Post » 31 Oct 2012, 13:18

Q: What's the difference between a flea and a coyote?
A: One howls on the prairie and one prowls on the hairy.

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: Let's meet up in the corner.

Q: How come seagulls live by the sea?
A: Because if they live by the bay, they'd be bagels!

Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: 'Cause their horns don't work.

Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?
A: Jalapeno business! (Sounds like "All up in your business.")

Q: Why did the man driving the train get struck by lightning?
A: He was a good conductor.

Q: What do vegetarian zombies say?
A: GRAINS!

Q: How do you fit 5 bulbasaurs and 2 charizards onto a bus?
A: You Pokemon! (Poke 'em on)

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: One goes, WHACK! "Darn!" And the other goes "Darn," WHACK!

Q: What did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper?
A: Ruff! (Rough)

Q: What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?
A: A penguin rolling down a hill.
Q2: What's black and white and laughing?
A2: The penguin that pushed him.

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it say the salad dressing.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? All the sailors were marooned.

Q: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson moonwalked!

Q: What do Christmas and a cat in the desert have in common?
A: Sandy Claus!

Q: When does Snoop Dog need an umbrella?
A: Fo' Drizzle!

Q: Why was the pirate wearing a paper towel on his head?
A: He had a Bounty on his head.

Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C! (Years at sea.)

Q: How do you make a handkerchief dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it!

I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, not panicking, like his passengers.

Q: Did you hear about the person who got the whole left half of his body cut off?
A: Yeah, but he's all right now.

Q: Where does the king keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies!

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

Q: What kind of cheese just isn't your's?
A: Nacho Cheese! (Not your cheese!)

freakstorm101
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Post » 01 Nov 2012, 08:19

JOKE OVERLOAD!!!

Legend_of_Kirby
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Post » 02 Nov 2012, 14:11

Heres one:
Kid:Dad how do you feel about abortion?
Dad: ask your sister
Kid: but I don't have a, oh...

TurretBot
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Post » 02 Nov 2012, 21:29

Kid: Dad, how does it fee to have the best son?
Dad: Ask my dad.

Legend_of_Kirby
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Post » 02 Nov 2012, 22:40

Girl: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Can't you wait?, the periods almost over.
Girl:Not for me it isn't!

Lol

Bonko
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Post » 02 Nov 2012, 23:52

LOL, good one Legend_of_Kirby
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On the first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone,"Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice on the other end responded."You fool! You've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"I'm the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouts back,"And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, fool?"
"No," the CEO respondes indignantly.
"Good!" replies the trainee, and puts down the phone.


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